From head to heart – my first ayahuasca ceremony changed a lot in my life. I got a good look at how I have led my life so far. My head determined my life, there was hardly room for my heart.
Ayahuasca showed me that. It was not easy, not simple or beautiful. It was four very exhausting hours that I had to get through. But it was worth it.
The detailed field report of my first ayahuasca ceremony.
Strong nausea as a red thread
It actually started off well. The first 45 minutes after drinking ayahuasca nothing happened.
Then I got sick. At first it was just the nausea, then I threw up. Or maybe the first attempts were just a strong choking, then it started.
Since I was still busy with choking and vomiting, I had my eyes open most of the time. Only now and then they were closed – whenever I blinked slowly.
That’s when I noticed it: I can see with my eyes closed!
But my nausea was so severe, combined with dizziness, that I couldn’t manage to keep my eyes closed. Again and again I opened them to save myself from the dizziness. After a while I understood that I had to close my eyes to get going.
Dental surgery by aliens
After a brief vision of a labyrinth, my dental surgery started.
Yes, you heard right – I was operated!
In Ayahuasca ceremonies it is quite common that you get an operation. In Rythmia they told us that it is aliens who come to heal you. Sometimes a physical correction is also necessary.
(Oh man, now that I’m writing this article, I have to laugh! It just sounds really crazy to write about aliens operating on me. But good, let’s go on)
Sometimes the aliens introduce themselves, ask questions or talk to each other. Unfortunately, this has not happened to me.
I had a vision during this operation. Can you remember onion skin that you put under a microscope at school? I suddenly had such a picture in my mind. Only everything was colored red and supplemented by sticks. Liquid hissed through these cells and rods.
It was clear that something was happening to my teeth, because suddenly I noticed hissing, pulling and drilling on my teeth. It was just like at the dentist, there was clearly an operation going on!
Besides, my teeth would be straightened, put into a better shape. This is pulled up to the nerve (without pain, thank God).
The interesting thing about ayahuasca is that on the one hand I am fully in these hallucinations, but on the other hand I somehow keep a clear head and consciously witness the process. So while the aliens were pressing and moving my teeth, a thought came to my mind: “Oh! What should I actually do with my braces when I have straight teeth tomorrow?
The more or less pleasant part of my first ayahuasca ceremony was over.
Ayahuasca: Caught in a kaleidoscope
Afterwards ayahuasca showed me impressively how much I was stuck in my head, thoughts and musing determined my life until then.
First of all, I like kaleidoscopes. I still like to go through toy stores and grab the different kaleidoscopes. Looking in, turning, admiring the colors and shapes – so beautiful!
But the kaleidoscope that was now shown to me in the ceremony was not beautiful. It frightened me without me being able to say exactly why.
A mixture of pop art, candy and toys turned around and I was right in the middle of it. At the same time it became stronger and stronger and the motives changed.
Since I was still feeling nauseous, you can certainly imagine that the constant spinning made the nausea even worse.
Fear and nausea together
Added to this was the fear. It came into being at the point when there were mean eyes in the kaleidoscope that started me off. (In my notes I called them “claw eyes”.) Whenever my fear became too great, I would briefly open my eyes to get myself out of it. But immediately afterwards I had to close them again and on I went.
Kaleidoscope, turn, bright colors, more and more, popcorn, candy, toys, popcorn, turn, turn.
Nausea without end, that was my main problem besides the fear. Always this strong nausea.
I have analyzed everything, every picture
When I wrote down the memories of this ceremony the next day, I noticed that I was constantly analyzing everything.
What is this?
What does it mean?
I have analyzed everything, every image
When I had a bad feeling, I asked myself what it meant. Everywhere I looked for the meaning.
At some point, after a felt eternity, I remembered the introductory lesson before the ceremony: If we see something that frightens us or worries us in some other way, we should let it go, concentrate on the breath and say thank you. Because everything we see will be healed and can go.
So I have dragged myself through the next eternity like this. Breathe, thank you, let it go.
I was so glad that this method works, because after all my fear had disappeared for a moment. In fact, always for a moment, because as soon as I let go of one image, the next one came.
Always connected with the strong nausea and choking. All the time I was tossing and turning, because I didn’t want my nausea to get any less.
I am allowed to get help
Four hours after the ceremony started I had to pee. That was the time when it occurred to me that I could get help. I don’t have to worry about the nausea for hours, there are people here who help me.
So I called “Help” and one of the helpers came to me.
She sat down next to me, fanned me out and spoke softly to me. Told me that I may stop thinking. The medicine is working within me and this is her way. “She works, I process,” were her words.
Through her words and the cool fan air my nausea has disappeared – I am finally well.
A few minutes later the nausea unfortunately came back. Namely exactly when I started to brood again. So I was allowed to practice breathing and letting go for another half hour until the ceremony was finished by the shaman at shortly after midnight.
Great realization the next morning
The next morning I was quite confused, grabbed one of the helpers and told her about my experiences. When I said “Oh man, I was so caught up in my head, thinking!” she replied “Maybe that’s what Mother Ayahuasca wanted to show you!
Oh oh oh, the scales fell from my eyes:
I was brooding so much during the whole ceremony and I was always nauseous. It actually makes my body sick when I’m just brooding. Not only during the Ayahuasca ceremony, but also in everyday life.
This is what Ayahuasca wanted to show me!
Later in the first ayahuasca ceremony, when I was able to let go of the thoughts, put a blanket over them and be grateful, the nausea disappeared immediately each time.
When I was grateful and in the moment, I was fine
The thing is: Before this impressive experience I had no idea how much I brood, think and my head rules my world every day. I thought (hehe, “I thought” – again in my head!) that I was a positive and intuitive person, but actually I hardly gave my feelings a chance.
My head always had the upper hand.
I suppose that most people feel that way. Maybe you too.
Maybe ayahuasca will be a good teacher for you to show you that there is another way.
By the way, my teeth were crooked the next day just like before and I had to keep wearing my braces.