Before my first retreat I had looked at countless testimonies on YouTube and I had the impression that I had a rough idea of what was to come. But to actually experience the effects of ayahuasca is something completely different.
I never thought that ceremonies could be like this!
Here I will tell you about the most important effects that run like a thread through my ceremonies. In addition, I will tell you about the general effects of ayahuasca, as many participants experience them.
No matter what I tell you about my experience with ayahuasca, always remember: It is only my experience. Every ayahuasca ceremony is different and every participant experiences it differently.
Ayahuasca picks you up with your own themes
I find it difficult to formulate the effect of ayahuasca in one sentence. Really hard.
My attempt: It arouses fears and unpleasant feelings in me in many different ways. All I have to do then is let go, accept this experience and be grateful.
Which at first sounds pretty easy when you read it.
In a ceremony this is not always so easy, but it can be a real challenge. You can be deeply sad, cry for hours, feel deep fear or even disgust.
(or experience pure bliss!)
Everything is possible, depending on where you stand and what topics you have to work on.
The great thing is: The moment you take care of these feelings and don’t push them away, a part of you is healed.
You may not notice the effect immediately, it may take months before you feel a difference.
But the effect is so strong at that moment that you immediately realize that it can only be a result of ayahuasca.
Purging: The purification of body, mind and soul
An important factor in an Ayahuasca ceremony is the so-called purging, the purification.
This can occur in different variations.
- Increased purging
- watery eyes
- and similar
I often yawn (so much that I think my jaw breaks), have watery eyes and sigh a lot. I also have to pee often.
In my first ayahuasca ceremony I threw up a lot, but that didn’t happen again after that.
There are always stories circulating that participants with diarrhea can’t make it to the toilet or can’t open their pants fast enough and poop themselves.
I haven’t seen this yet, but it seems to happen.
In the end you can be thankful for everything you let go in this cleaning process. Even if it is not necessarily pleasant at that moment.
But maybe that is exactly what you are allowed to learn and let go of.
Ayahausca effect: seeing, hearing and feeling
Besides purging, there are various experiences you can have in an Ayahuasca ceremony.
I’m generally a very visual type and so it doesn’t surprise me that a lot of my work is visual.
The first phase is that I see a kaleidoscope with colorful toys. I’m practically inside this kaleidoscope. That sounds quite pleasant, but because of the circling movements, the colors and the music of the shaman, it is quite challenging for me.
This is what it looks like for me. Only that you don’t look at it from the outside, but are pulled inside and don’t come out for a while. At least not if you fight against it.
Look from minute 2.30 – 2.50
Once I have survived the kaleidoscope phase, I often find myself in something that reminds me of a computer game. Something like Pac-Man, but louder, more colorful and scary. Hard to describe.
Other participants, however, see completely different things
- You see beautiful sacred geometry.
- Mother Ayahuasca appears to them personally and they talk, experience her wisdom.
- They fly through the universe and see beautiful colors and images.
I have never experienced this before, but it must be gigantically beautiful.
Hearing under the influence of ayahuasca is a real phenomenon.
In most of my previous ayahuasca ceremonies I found the music played horrible. With every song / ikaro I thought from beginning to end:
“My God, I hope this will be over soon! The song cannot last forever. At some point every song is over…”
So I dragged myself from second to second, from minute to minute and suffered.
The music makes me dizzy and I vomit. Unpleasant images rise, which I am allowed to process.
But in one ceremony the complete opposite occurred! Suddenly I loved the music, sang along inwardly, felt the beat in my whole body.
It was a beautiful experience.
I am also very sensitive to voices. I know from conversations with other participants that it’s not just me.
If the shaman whispers with his helpers, it feels for me as if the persons are very close to me. At the same time they seem to be far away. To hear the whispering is very interesting in that moment, even if I don’t understand a word when they are talking in Spanish.
Other people hear the voice of Mother Ayahuasca and talk to her. Sometimes they exchange with her for hours, ask her important things about their life, the earth and benefit from her wisdom.
Sleep / Nada
Some participants drink their portion of ayahuasca, lean back, get tired and fall asleep. They only wake up when the shaman officially ends the ceremony.
They actually oversleep the entire ayahuasca ceremony.
The talk is then of a Nada (nothing).
It is said that ayahuasca works with you so deeply and intensely at bedtime that it would be too crass for you to be awake at that time. The Nada is therefore a protection and you still experience deep healing.
Feeling instead of thinking
Feeling plays a huge role for me in two ways.
Ayahuasca has shown me that I have always been in my head. I have thought about everything, made a head. Constantly and about everything.
Maybe you are doing it too and you are not aware of it. That’s the way it was with me.
Ayahuasca brought me back to feeling, for which I am mega grateful!
Feeling with the skin
In my ayahuasca ceremonies there is also the other feeling. Feeling with the skin.
Sometimes I have the feeling for a second that it is raining. But since my mind does not stop completely, thank God, I say to myself: “Linda, that can’t be rain. You are in a closed room with a blanket. Calm down.”
In another ceremony, my place was directly with the shaman. A participant who came for a second serving of ayahuasca sat close to my mattress and touched my foot.
That really excited me at that moment!
I had the feeling that he would sit there for ages and keep touching my foot – accidentally of course. Nevertheless, it annoyed me terribly.
In retrospect, I know from this situation that ayahuasca showed me that I was allowed to stand up for myself more and demand my space, my privacy.
I am still allowed to practice.
Operations with Ayahuasca
In Rythmia we were prepared in the introductory round to experience “operations”. Without this previous explanation I would certainly not have perceived my (so far only) operation as such.
As stupid as it sounds: Thereby aliens or other beings operate on you to heal you. Without pain, of course.
Some people can see the aliens, others hear them talking to each other, they exchange their thoughts about the next steps of the operation. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?
My operation took place on my teeth.
I did not see any aliens, but I could feel my teeth being rinsed, nerves being pulled straight and teeth being corrected. For a moment I thought: “Oh man! Then my braces won’t fit me afterwards! What do I do with them then?”
But it didn’t take long and was quickly over.
Another participant had an operation on his left arm and back, which took much longer. Unfortunately he had severe pain in this area the next day – just like after a real operation.
The essence of the effect of Ayahuasca
For me, the essence of the ayahuasca effect is the feeling of certain situations or feelings. Once you have felt,
- what true self-love is
- how it feels to really appreciate you
- to accept you as you are
- how it feels to forgive you
is this feeling within you. You don’t forget that anymore because you felt it deep inside of you. You were the feeling.
With this feeling a part of you changed, you were healed.
That is for me the true effect of ayahuasca.